Now that it's spring, I suppose it's appropriate to have a plethora of references to flowers and pretty green things. While there definitely is no shortage of that around here (I have some new plant friends I am desperately trying to keep alive), I want to take the time to reflect on some other things budding this season.
Can I get honest for a second? I was never a girls' girl. Or for that matter, I wasn't very good at the whole "friends" thing. Being in fellowship and in community was never something I thought was for me. I've been abandoned one too many times before. "May the bridges I burn light the way" became my modus operandi. A false confidence to show I could make it on my own. I am perfectly okay going on walks by myself and jamming to good tunes and making small talk to the squirrels. My sanctuary is a book in a cozy corner with a cup of coffee. Social interactions were always awkward and I took those insecurities as a facts I was going to live with for the rest of my life.
I wore that Lone Wolf name tag like a badge.
And that was okay with me.
I few years back, someone said something that I has always haunted me ever since the words left her lips. When a person with a seemingly nonchalant attitude is told "You need to get out of your head", it gets shrugged off immediately. My conversations with my inner thoughts were the only friends I knew that I could rely on. The only ones I could trust. Even if they were also the inner demons that sometimes shouted too loud. I welcomed that darkness like a dear friend. One I knew that would never leave me.
Maybe it's age. Maybe it's all part of getting older. Maybe it's the new and renewed relationships growing in my life. But I've felt these walls crumbling and making way for the light. The whispers turned into commandments. They pushed me into the unknown. Beyond my comfort zone. Beyond myself. To serve. To be in community. To have honest and real relationships, especially with fellow females. And like the clouds breaking for a beautiful brunch with beautiful souls, I am thankful.